I wish I had a more recent picture. This is Tim, my father-in-law, with Emery on Emery's second birthday. Tim has hair now, and it looks really cool (I tamed his grey hair and added some wicked cool highlights). Anyhoo, I wanted to post something about my father-in-law.I have father figure issues on an almost Oedipal scale (didn't you read Oedipus Rex in high school?) Anyhoo, I have father figure issues. I never knew my biological father, viewing his corpse at his funeral as the first time I really got to see him up close. The man I begrudgingly refer to as my stepfather barely deserves the title. For fatherly inspiration, I have to look to my grandfather, who, even though he's been gone for 9 years now, continues to guide me on my own parenting odyssey. So, needless to say, I haven't had much in the way of real time father figure guidance. Then I got married and inherited a whole new set of parents. I've made mention several times about my mother-in-law, Lisa. She has really gone the distance in trying to dispel those mother-in-law-from-hell horror stories you always hear about (interesting aside here...even though my wife is almost 8 years younger than me, my mother-in-law is actually 2 days OLDER than my own mother). However, I've never really talked about my father-in-law, Tim.
Tim is an odd duck. He's a retired police officer (although you wouldn't know it to look at him). He's also a drummer, and a regular at church on Sunday (and you really wouldn't know it to look at him...tattoos, gauged ears and various other piercings to boot). And he's a Republican. Yeah, I know. But...I really love having Tim as a father. When Heather and I first started dating, one of the first things she warned me about was her dad. She tried to prepare me for his personality, almost dreading that initial meeting. Surprisingly (at least for her), it went well. We hit it off quite well. However, it wasn't until a few days later that I think Tim and I really bonded. I have a past (who doesn't, right? Mine's a bit more complicated than yours, I'm sure...if you don't know about it, ask me later) and I wanted to make sure that Tim was okay with me dating his daughter. I arranged a meeting to square away the details with him, scared to death of his reaction (he was a police officer and Heather told me he had a temper...). Surprisingly (at least for me), it went well. Much better than I expected anyway (much better than I would have handled it, if I were in his shoes). From that point forward, I truly felt comfortable with him, to the point that I felt that I could confide in him anything.
Lest you think it's all hugs and kisses, we butt heads. A lot. Politics mainly, but even some of the more trivial things can blow up because we are both very stubborn people. He doesn't give an inch and I refuse to back down. But even all that hasn't dampened our relationship. And a large reason for that is because the man is humble. When he makes a mistake, he admits it and makes an honest attempt at reconciliation (me? I'm never wrong...HA! I have a very hard time admitting mistakes...I think this is in no small part due to my stepfather...). When I told him I was enrolling in cosmetology school, he was skeptical, to put it mildly. But since then, he's been one of my biggest supporters. Even when it's something as simple as a misunderstanding or miscommunication and he was blameless in the incident, Tim still reaches out with the olive branch.
I can't say that I'll ever win a son-in-law of the year award but whenever the nominations come around for father of the year, you can be sure that I'll have Tim's name at the top of my ballot. I'm quite sure that I could do a lot worse (scratch that, I KNOW I've had a lot worse) in father figures, but I really don't think I could do any better than having Tim as a father.
5 comments:
I love my family very much and to hear such things about someone who i care deeply for Darrell and my own biological father whom I will admit had not ben the gbest role model for us children he did the very best he could and I love him for that. I am not saying Tim is not a good person but Travis you should be more thankful for the stepfather Darrell you have now he loves us very much and our mother god bless her soul has done everything possible to make us happy and make sure we are loved and those grandkids the same. Why dont you rave about your own family Travis we love you and those kids Heather too...it hurts my feelings that you dont appreciate that. I love you!
Wow. Controversy in the making (and punctuational nightmares all around...I'm kidding, I love my sister)! Normally, I would respond to a comment such as this with a new post, but I think I'll just comment on the comment with a comment.
For those of you who don't know, Darrell is my mother's husband. I know that's a rather odd phrasing but that's how I refer to him. I do like Darrell. He has made my mother very happy and treats her with respect, much better than her previous husband (the stepfather I referenced in my post). Still, Darrell and I don't have anywhere near the relationship that Tim and I have. I could list a number of reasons for this (geography-he lives an hour away, time-he puts in a hell of a work week, interests-I don't think the man could tell the difference between Wolverine and Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street) but it basically boils down to just never having cemented a relationship with him. Not assigning blame here, just listing the facts.
I've responded to my sister's comments about my family in an email, so I won't go into that here, but I do love my family, all my family, a great deal. I have made numberous posts regarding my mother, sister and brother over the last year or so that I've had this blog.
Hopefully, this will be nipped in the bud right here, as I've seen other blogs unintentionally (or maybe not) foment discord because of pointed comments and posts. That is not, nor will it ever be, my intention.
I absolutely love your post! I know what you mean, well for the most part about your father-in-law. Unfortunately, I have the opportunity to have MIL from HELL. Never had the chance to meet Tyler's father, as he passed away when Tyler was younger. But my own step-father, has for the most part been that father figure I never had. So, its wonderful, that you have found this bond and companionship..hmm..would companionship be the right word? Anyhoo (as you would say), its great you have found this relationship to treasure and hold onto!
I think it's hard to really get what someone is meaning from the words they type on a blog. I'm sure you love all your family, and this was a nice tribute to your FIL. But I know how people can read words on the screen and be out-out by what you said, or didn't say. Here's my question: do you think feelings would be hurt of this was an in-person conversation? Of course not, because there would be body language, questions, explanations, etc.
If you and your sister were speaking in person rather than blogging/emailing, there wouldn't be any misunderstanding. That's what I'm trying to say.
I think the issue falls more in line with the idea that not singing the praises of one person while singing the praises of another doesn't constitute a lack of appreciation or love for the first person. If I make a post about Emery and how much I love having a little boy like him, does that in any way mean that I love Emma less? No, it just means that I'm focusing on Emery at the moment.
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